I Am No Longer Caged
Now this may seem like an odd statement for me to make. Some of you would joke and say “well duhh, you stopped being caged when you were released from jail.” Or “Ryan, bro; you have never been caged before.” But I am writing this from the position of looking back on things that were. Things that held me back. Lies that had become my reality. Beliefs about future events that could control the course of my life, or an understanding that I had been conditioned to accept which doesn't even exist. And from that perspective and in that regard I declare that I am no longer caged.
I am no longer a prisoner to my own beliefs or other peoples perspectives. I am no longer held captive by things that were, nor am I chained by the past and how I allowed it to define me. I am set free!
I have known this for a while, but I haven't actually lived it out before. I never gave myself the opportunity. Heck, I never had even put it into words before. But I am now, and I am boldly proclaiming that I truly have been set free. Free from the pain, free from the addictions, free from the guilt and the shame, free from the anger, free from the false identity and the facade that I allowed others to see. I am free to be me.
Why am I just now recognizing this? It's because this is the first time I have been in a place where nobody knows me, and where I have the choice to make; of whether or not I will be who God created me to be. Will I hide my true self. Will I cover up who I am by acting like someone whom I shouldn't be? Or will I step up and claim that sweet victory that I have already received?
You see I didn't want to come here. I didn't want to pack up and move to another Island. I didn't want to leave my friends and family this time. These people and that place had become my home. I was beginning to be established there. And Yet when I prayed, the Lord said it was time to pack up and to move on. At first I was bitter and angry. I told God no, and that there was no way he should make me do this. But I also began to open my mind to it. To ask myself the hard questions of why am I being asked to go? What purpose does God have in store for me? And as I began to ask those questions I started to feel that tug in my heart. That tug that said to me that leaving was in fact the next step. So I said yes, I said yes to the Lord; and for the 2nd time in my life I packed my suitcase and left everything I knew behind all for the sake of getting to know Jesus and to do what He has asked me to do.
Upon arriving in Oahu, I felt scared. I was uneasy and unsure of how I was to fit in. But right away I became accepted. Now began the process of breaking through my own shell. And allowing those that were around me to see the real me without any reservations. At first it wasn't easy. It still isn't, but with each passing day I am realizing that once again; this is where I belong. That I am right in the middle of what God has planned for me.
With that revelation I started to look at my own character. The flaws such as the joking and the humor that just isn't necessary, I also began to see the hunger in me to really develop the gifts I have. And all the while I felt the struggle in me to want to hide and to pull away and to put a mask on and pretend. Which I even started to do. I began to place that mask back on. I started to think that I even wanted that mask to be there.
But I really don't. I have no desire to carry the mask any longer. So I am letting go of it. And I am choosing to walk fully as myself, because it was Jesus who told me I could! And I believe that I can with my whole heart!
Now this may seem like an odd statement for me to make. Some of you would joke and say “well duhh, you stopped being caged when you were released from jail.” Or “Ryan, bro; you have never been caged before.” But I am writing this from the position of looking back on things that were. Things that held me back. Lies that had become my reality. Beliefs about future events that could control the course of my life, or an understanding that I had been conditioned to accept which doesn't even exist. And from that perspective and in that regard I declare that I am no longer caged.
I am no longer a prisoner to my own beliefs or other peoples perspectives. I am no longer held captive by things that were, nor am I chained by the past and how I allowed it to define me. I am set free!
I have known this for a while, but I haven't actually lived it out before. I never gave myself the opportunity. Heck, I never had even put it into words before. But I am now, and I am boldly proclaiming that I truly have been set free. Free from the pain, free from the addictions, free from the guilt and the shame, free from the anger, free from the false identity and the facade that I allowed others to see. I am free to be me.
Why am I just now recognizing this? It's because this is the first time I have been in a place where nobody knows me, and where I have the choice to make; of whether or not I will be who God created me to be. Will I hide my true self. Will I cover up who I am by acting like someone whom I shouldn't be? Or will I step up and claim that sweet victory that I have already received?
You see I didn't want to come here. I didn't want to pack up and move to another Island. I didn't want to leave my friends and family this time. These people and that place had become my home. I was beginning to be established there. And Yet when I prayed, the Lord said it was time to pack up and to move on. At first I was bitter and angry. I told God no, and that there was no way he should make me do this. But I also began to open my mind to it. To ask myself the hard questions of why am I being asked to go? What purpose does God have in store for me? And as I began to ask those questions I started to feel that tug in my heart. That tug that said to me that leaving was in fact the next step. So I said yes, I said yes to the Lord; and for the 2nd time in my life I packed my suitcase and left everything I knew behind all for the sake of getting to know Jesus and to do what He has asked me to do.
Upon arriving in Oahu, I felt scared. I was uneasy and unsure of how I was to fit in. But right away I became accepted. Now began the process of breaking through my own shell. And allowing those that were around me to see the real me without any reservations. At first it wasn't easy. It still isn't, but with each passing day I am realizing that once again; this is where I belong. That I am right in the middle of what God has planned for me.
With that revelation I started to look at my own character. The flaws such as the joking and the humor that just isn't necessary, I also began to see the hunger in me to really develop the gifts I have. And all the while I felt the struggle in me to want to hide and to pull away and to put a mask on and pretend. Which I even started to do. I began to place that mask back on. I started to think that I even wanted that mask to be there.
But I really don't. I have no desire to carry the mask any longer. So I am letting go of it. And I am choosing to walk fully as myself, because it was Jesus who told me I could! And I believe that I can with my whole heart!